When Emotions Are Running High and You Want to Escape
You're not failing. You're human. Here's what actually helps.
You've had one of those days.
After a sleepless night, everything feels harder.
Your partner has been working all day, and the children have whinged and cried about almost everything.
You've resorted to screen time just to get a moment's peace.
And now you're standing in the bathroom, hoping for quiet.
Sound familiar?
Good. Because I want you to know you're not alone in that bathroom.
This Is Not Failure
Let me say that again, because I think it needs to land:
Standing in the bathroom for five minutes of quiet is not failure.
It is not abandonment. It is not bad parenting.
It is a human being, with their own nervous system, their own limits, their own need for regulation — doing what they need to do to come back to their children in a better state.
Taking a moment for yourself is one of the most responsible things you can do as a parent.
The alternative — staying in the room, dysregulated, resentful, running on empty — doesn't serve anyone.
What's Actually Happening in Your Body
When parenting stress builds — really builds — your body responds.
Your nervous system shifts into what scientists call fight or flight mode.
Cortisol rises. Your heart rate increases. Your jaw tightens. Your shoulders creep up toward your ears. Your breathing gets shallower.
In this state, patience is harder. Perspective is harder. Responding calmly to a whinging toddler or a defiant preschooler is significantly harder.
You are not being weak. Your body is doing exactly what bodies do under prolonged stress.
The question is: what brings it back down?
Don't Underestimate the Power of Breathing
Of all the tools available to you in a hard parenting moment, breathing is the one you always have with you.
No equipment. No cost. No needing someone else to step in first.
Just your breath.
Here's the science behind it (in plain terms):
When you breathe out for longer than you breathe in, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system — the part that signals rest and digest rather than fight or flight.
It gently lowers cortisol.
It tells your nervous system: you are safe.
And from that place, everything gets a little more manageable.
Try It Now
You don't need to be in a bathroom. You don't need five minutes of silence. You can do this anywhere.
Breathe in for 3.
And out for 6.
Repeat this a few times.
Notice how your shoulders soften.
Notice your jaw unclench.
Notice the tightness in your chest begin to ease.
That's not imagination. That's your nervous system responding.
It won't solve the hard day. It won't make the children suddenly cooperative or the to-do list shorter. But it changes the state you're responding from — and that changes everything.
Why This Matters for Your Children Too
Here's something worth knowing:
Your children's nervous systems borrow from yours.
When you're dysregulated — tense, reactive, overwhelmed — they feel it. Children are extraordinarily attuned to the emotional state of the adults around them.
When you're regulated — even imperfectly — they feel that too.
This isn't pressure to be perfect. It's actually the opposite.
It's permission to prioritise your own regulation, because doing so is one of the most direct ways you can help your children feel calm.
You don't have to be endlessly patient. You just have to keep coming back to regulation — for yourself, and for them.
What To Do in the Hard Moment
Here's a simple sequence for when things feel like they're tipping over:
Step 1: Recognise it
Notice when you're starting to dysregulate. The tight jaw. The rising frustration. The sense that you're about to lose it.
Catching it early is much easier than trying to climb back from the edge.
Step 2: Give yourself permission to step back
If it's safe to do so, step away for a moment. Another room, the bathroom, just facing away.
This is not abandonment. This is responsible parenting.
Step 3: Breathe
Breathe in for 3, out for 6. Repeat several times.
You can do this even if you haven't stepped away — slow your breathing wherever you are.
Step 4: Come back — not to fix, but to reconnect
When you return, you don't need to have a solution. Just come back. Be present.
Sometimes a calm return is enough. The children settle because you have.
What About Screen Time?
Let's address the elephant in the room.
You gave them the screen so you could have a moment's peace.
And then felt guilty about it.
Please don't.
Screen time as a tool for parental regulation is not the same as screen time as a babysitter for hours on end.
Giving yourself fifteen minutes of quiet so you can come back calmer, more present, more patient — that is a sensible, proportionate choice.
The goal was to become a better parent in that moment. And you did what you needed to do to get there.
That is good parenting, not bad parenting.
One Bad Day Doesn't Define You
However the day has gone. However many times you raised your voice or lost patience or hid in the bathroom — this is what I need you to remember:
One bad day — or even two — does not make you a bad parent.
What makes you a good parent isn't never struggling. It's coming back. It's trying again. It's caring enough to stand in the bathroom and breathe instead of just losing it completely.
The fact that you're reading this means you care.
And caring is where good parenting starts.
Building This Into Your Day
Waiting until you're in crisis to use breathing as a tool is a bit like only drinking water when you're already severely dehydrated.
It helps more when it's a regular practice, not just an emergency measure.
A few ways to build it in:
Morning: Two minutes of slow breathing before you get up (even before the children are awake)
Transitions: A breath between activities — before getting in the car, before starting dinner
Before responding: When a child pushes a button, take one breath before you speak
Before bed: A few slow breaths to come down from the day
None of these take more than a minute. All of them change the baseline you're operating from.
You're Allowed to Need Regulating
This is perhaps the most important thing I can say in this post:
You are a person. With needs. With limits. With a nervous system that responds to stress exactly the way it's designed to.
Parenting is one of the most sustained emotional demands that exists.
Needing to step back, to breathe, to take a moment — this is not weakness.
It is self-awareness.
It is responsibility.
It is modelling something extraordinary for your children: that when things feel too big, you don't disappear into the overwhelm — you pause, you breathe, and you come back.
And one day, they'll do the same.
Feeling overwhelmed more often than you'd like?
📖 Download my Free Sleep Signals Guide — Because an overtired parent is a reactive parent, and better sleep changes everything
🌙 Get my Confident Sleep Guide — Practical steps toward calmer nights and calmer days
💬 Need to talk it through? Message me on WhatsApp
You're doing better than you think. 💙
Related Posts:
When You Take Your Child's Behaviour Personally
About Christina
I'm Christina, mum of five (now aged 16–22), infant sleep coach, primary school teacher, and class leader for Tots Play developmental classes in Peterhead, Aberdeenshire.
I've stood in that bathroom more times than I can count. The breathing helped every time.